Ironing Out ADHD Wrinkles: Finding Structure Through Daily Routines

My Beautiful Ironing Board

We hate structure but we need it to function. 

Structure comes in three Goldilocks inspired flavours - too much, too little and just right. If only just right was consistent and ADHD wasn’t situationally variable we would all be winning, all day, every day. If only.

The concept of daily structure has a very close relationship with the concept of control. We need to feel we have control. We need to have the ability to create the structures that allow us to have control over important things in our lives. This, I think, stems from the very basic human need for autonomy and by extension, self-expression and self determination.

These concepts were brought into stark contrast the day I returned home from a break in the Welsh hills and had an immediate tantrum with the contents of my wardrobe.

Everything ended up on the bed. The worn out got finally binned. The keepers got folded and put away and the rest ended up in three bags that I then immediately took to the charity shop.

The root cause of the tantrum and my subsequent actions were a symptom of an unmet need for autonomy and an associated need to feel an improvement in agency. At the time, big and important parts of my life were in a state of transition. The sorts of transitions that take their own sweet time and leave one with the feeling that life is somehow outside of one’s control. I felt powerless and this manifested itself as an undeniable urge to take control of some long standing wardrobe issues.

Of course, our lives, and ourselves are constantly evolving. Dependable constants provide structures that humans have always relied on. The moon, the stars, sunrise, sunset, the seasons, the tides and to feel in harmony with these things is, arguably, a way to find a feeling of safety around our place in the world. 

I found ironing. (Or, who knows? Maybe ironing found me?)

I like to look at drawers filled with neatly folded clothes. Because I can choose to do so. I have agency over that. I like to put on an ironed shirt in the morning for the same reason. On the days when, you know, yesterday’s discarded T-shirt is eyeing me from the floor and telepathically saying ‘wear me’, I get a useful reminder. It would be ok to put it on because part of me says ‘it’s all such a sodding faff’ and I’m not feeling very ironed shirt worthy today so sod it. However, I felt myself worthy enough when I did the ironing. So, when I ironed the shirt I must have done so with the firm belief that I would be worth an ironed shirt however I was feeling when I put it on. There’s a tiny little, but very important, self-esteem boost, right there.

Moving house is a major drama in anyone’s life and my ironing habits around that time reflected that. Things began to get out-of-hand. I started ironing pants. It just felt like the right thing to do and I have to say that putting on a well ironed pair of hipsters in the morning feels really good. It has a little edge to it of decadence and sauciness, which is kinda nice, and somehow my ironed pants made the stress of dealing with conveyancing solicitors easier. I don’t know how or why that would be, but it worked for me.

In the inevitable aftermath of the move and the dramas of getting wifi and basic amenities like a functioning cooker and refrigerator I bought my very own ironing board. My first, incidentally. Of course, I messed up the purchase. Firstly because I had it delivered. I could have gained so much more pleasure from collecting it in my car. Why? (Glad you asked!) Because I drive a 2-seater sports convertible and I would have put the roof down and strapped it upright into the passenger seat and then driven it home. Unless it was raining, in which case I could have used roof bars and strapped it on like some kind of surfboard.

I also messed up because there is a cupboard space for it but it doesn’t fit because I just assumed it would and didn’t measure to find out. So, I’m going to have to upgrade so it’s not leaning against the kitchen wall forever. No matter. I get a chance to make some new purchasing mistakes.

With my new ironing board I started ironing socks. But that’s not all. I developed the perfect way to do it so I could ‘file’ them in my sock drawer. 

Then I moved on to making improvements in the process of laundry. The first was getting myself a Box Legend laundry folder. (like these) so everything fits in the drawers easily because it’s the same size. 

In my little house (estate agents like to say ‘bijou’) there is no room for a chair in the bedroom so I bought a free standing towel rail. It holds a lot less than a chair which means that there isn’t a pile of clothes to endlessly procrastinate over. The old ‘wash, wear or wardrobe?’ conundrum. No more. Plus it’s portable so I can move it when I want to do yoga.

I bought a folding laundry hamper and some mesh laundry bags to put inside and line it with. Now when it’s got a load in it I just pull the drawstring tight, haul it out and throw it down the stairs. Which reminds me when I go downstairs later that I earlier intended to put a wash on. So I do.

You’ll be pleased to know that now that I’m happily settled into my ‘bijou’ house I’ve had a word with myself. I no longer feel as compelled to express my deep need for autonomy through ironing. Instead I’ve exercised autonomy by choosing to be less diligent about ironing. What have I learned?

Autonomy is an absolutely core value for me and if there is an opportunity to combine emotional processing with a well ironed shirt (or pants) it’s perfectly ok to take it. I have my own permission!

Now I’m wondering if I can achieve similar success with the issue of washing dishes. I truly hope so. And, if like me, you appreciate a pair of well ironed pants, fear not! You’re not alone. Feel no shame!