The Need To Be Busy
One of the things I've noticed recently is that there appears to be a dynamic that ADHD adults quite often fall into. It’s the need to be busy. The need to be up to capacity when it comes to all the tasks that they have to manage. The need to do this thing and that thing and not forget. Behind it is the need to keep the brain busy enough to create the motivation and the interest to get all those tasks done. Often it’s the mundane trivia of day-to-day life. Important, right now, but instantly forgotten once it’s no longer relevant.
Often there are other things lurking in the mix. ‘Masking’ is one. We need to be able to do all that stuff that our friends and work colleagues take for granted because if we can do that then there can’t be a problem. Right? Perfectionism can have the same effects. We need to prove to either ourselves or others that we are good enough so we work extra hard to do it. Plus, of course, we are very good at putting a high priority on the needs of others and over committing.
And guess what? Working at cognitive capacity feels like it reduces our ADHD challenges and the constant urgency creates the interest and motivation to just keep going, but it’s a dangerous tightrope.
On one side of that tightrope, not being busy enough, means that we have to work harder to generate the motivation and interest to get tasks done. Not having enough to do means that the cognitive load reduces and the ADHD challenges increase, the motivation to do all those mundane tasks drops off, and it's a fairly steep slope from that point to sitting on the sofa at four o'clock in the afternoon in your pyjamas binge watching a box set. Then you’re looking at some of the symptoms of burn out; lethargy, tiredness, boredom and lack of interest. The lack of motivation, the lack of get-up-and-go. So that's one side of the tightrope.
The other side of that tightrope is we're busy and there are tasks coming in faster than our ability to cope effectively. Plus, of course, we tend to be very good at saying yes to things before we stop and think about whether or not we can really fit those things in. So we're always walking that tightrope with the danger of falling into having too many things to manage and juggle. It pushes our executive functioning to the limit and we quickly become overwhelmed and stressed. On that side of the tightrope, lies another dangerous slope that could avalanche towards burnout.
There is also a time perspective element here too. When we’re busy, time can feel like it flies. When we’re less busy, time can drag. We become more prone to distraction, to wandering off task and interest and motivation quickly wane.
One of the things that walking the tightrope creates over time, is an ongoing undercurrent of stress. There's always so much that has to be done and the merry-go-round doesn't stop. I think that, for some, that stress comes as a reassurance that all is well and they’re working most effectively.
One of the places that the merry-go-round tends to stop is when there is a change in the situation. Because the transition required to accommodate the change in circumstances can trigger the realisation that continuing to try to manage life in this way is no longer sustainable.
Strategies that might have worked in the past don't seem to work particularly well anymore. So there’s a need to change the approach and develop new strategies to manage.
Sometimes it can be the realisation that one of the things behind these behaviours could be ADHD. It is often a shock to suddenly discover that our brain works differently and the dynamics in play are then different from the dynamics that are in play for work colleagues, friends or other family members. So the ‘busy’ dynamic that can develop in ADHD is ultimately quite risky. Most of the clients I’ve coached for whom this ‘tightrope’ is a ‘thing’ know that periodically they fall off. Sometimes there’s a repeating pattern and they then beat themselves up for what they perceive as their own personal failure and overlook the opportunity to use the experience as a learning opportunity to change the narrative and break the cycle. But as I’m fond of saying to clients - awareness provides a wonderful opportunity to be intentional and to choose our way forward. So, if you feel the need to be busy maybe it’s time to wonder what might be behind that.