Neil’s Story

Before I started coaching the biggest challenge in my mind was not being able to understand why everything seemed so simple for everyone else. It seemed quite hard for me. Why, for example, did no one else seem to get as stressed as I did over things, why did no one else experience the amount of burnout that I experienced.

The biggest challenges were always things like being on time for stuff, keeping myself organised, keeping things tidy. I felt, to be honest, very down, very self-deprecating. Was I just lazy? Maybe I just wasn’t paying as much attention as I should have been. I just couldn’t understand how I could keep getting things wrong. I was aware that I wasn’t stupid but it didn’t make sense.

I didn’t understand why I often felt burned out. I didn’t understand that downtime is something that is vital. You can’t be constantly on the go. When I say downtime, I mean quality downtime, not thinking about all the things I have to get done.

Before we started working together, it was definitely a challenge to even recognize that as a thing, let alone actually do it.

That quality downtime helps hugely, to be honest with you. That space enables me to basically deal with things that are potentially stressful for me.

The last time I went out to Spain I deliberately made sure I was nice and calm and relaxed and made sure I made time for being relaxed before we got on the plane, before we even flew over there, and when I got there, I mean, I was the calmest I've ever been.  It definitely made it easier to deal with stuff. It was much easier for me to just deal with everything. Suddenly I was like, ‘yeah, I can do this. This is manageable.’

The permission piece is a big one for me because I’ve learned that it’s ok to give myself permission if I want to do something. Now it's more like, ‘yeah, that's what I want to do right now. So why don't I go do that?’ The lead on from that is it builds up less resentment for everything going on in your life. It’s allowed me so much freedom.

We coached around my work when things were a bit rocky but I felt positive because I started thinking about it in terms of what do I actually want rather than just what can I get? I hadn’t looked at work in that way before.

When I got my diagnosis, I thought ‘you’ve given me some medication, but…now what? One of the major things the psychiatrist who diagnosed me suggested was looking into ADHD coaching. They didn't really explain why they just said it's definitely something you should look into.

When I started working with Tony, if I’m honest, I thought, I don’t know what coaching is. I don’t know why I’m doing this. I guess it's because I didn't necessarily have a goal or a purpose in mind as such, apart from maybe making my life easier. Part of this was me thinking, ‘I'm not sure Tony's gonna be able to help me with this because it's so non-specific.’ but I often found myself suddenly reflecting back on things from our sessions and it all started clicking into place. To be honest with you, I normally get something of more interest after those sessions, sometimes, than I do with the ones where I go, I know I want to coach around this. 

I think Tony is very good at taking it in and listening. Which really helps to get to the bottom of stuff, because often we’re going to go off on tangents. It’s going to start somewhere and it’s going to go somewhere completely different. That's what you need in someone who's going to coach you, particularly when it comes to ADHD, right? Having someone who is good at listening to that and allows the space for that to happen, I think it’s extremely important. It has allowed me to understand myself better.

Finding the right coach is about finding someone who's going to challenge you in a positive way. It's also finding someone that you feel can understand you as well. When you're actually looking for a coach, you have to look for someone where you're like, I feel like this person will get it.